Virtute.org

Note: I know it’s probably a little gauche to blog so soon after an event like this.  However, I want to get my feelings sorted out and writing is a good method.  Might as well update everyone while I’m at it.

I left the house this morning in a somewhat grumpy rush.  Often I’ll forget my morning prayers during my usual routine, so I’ll pray in the car before I pull out.  I was in enough of a rush this morning that I only really prayed for two things; that I’d be safe and my children would be safe as we traveled about today.

For some reason, my attention wandered and I did not see that the light was red.  We got hit on the driver’s side, smacked a pole on the passenger side, and wound up where you see us.  As we were smashed from side to side, I was calm; I’m generally calm enough when these things happen, but I felt for some reason that things were fine.  I had reason to doubt when we saw the children.

Ila and Charlotte were fine; they were in the second bench.  Just minor bumps.  Isaac and Nicole, who were in the third row, were both bleeding. 

Isaac had two terrible lacerations on his head.  He was bleeding badly.  I tore off my shirt to put pressure on it while Kathleen called 911.  He kept saying “Dad, what’s happening? How did this happen? I’m so sad!”  I said, “Son, I made a mistake, but we’re going to be just fine.  You’re hurt, but they’re sending an ambulance now and you will be just fine.  I am right here.  I love you, and you will be OK.”

Nicole had small but deep cuts on her neck and feet where glass was embedded, and she was very distressed. 

Poor Charlotte just sat on the grass absorbing everything while Ila had to yell in her car seat.

Help came quickly.  Many kind people stopped and helped.  The ambulance was there quickly, and they were gentle and thoughtful with the children.  I rode with them while they took Isaac and Nicole to the emergency room at the University of Tennessee Medical Center. 

One of our excellent neighbors came quickly to bring Kathleen, Ila, and Charlotte to meet us. 

At the hospital, Nicole and Isaac were quiet and a bit stoic.  Isaac was alert and very responsive, so my concern lessened, but the cuts were still very serious.  Nicole was worried and scared, of course, but she seemed comforted when I was with her. (As soon as she saw her mom, though, all her emotion came out.  She’s just two, after all.)

Both children had CT scans which showed no deep trauma, much to our relief.  They sent for a facial surgeon to stitch Isaac’s scalp while the ER surgeon removed two pieces of glass from Nicole’s neck.  As he was getting his stitches, Isaac realized he was missing the birthday party we had been en route to, and began to cry (he’s only six). My boy was tough for the IV, washing his cuts, and injections for local anesthetic, but he was very sad about missing the party. 

I always try to be straight with Isaac.  We had an incident once where he was sedated for some dental work, and the anesthesiologist tricked him by showing him a toy and then stabbed him with the needle when he was distracted.  I hated that.  I’ve always explained things to him, and that’s what I tried to do tonight: “Isaac, they need to put a needle in your arm to give you medicine.  It will hurt at first, but it will be over soon.”  He’ll say a quavering “OK”, and then he’ll endure it.  He’s a tough kid, and I can’t bring myself to lie to him if something is going to hurt.  I just tell him that it will hurt now, but it will be better soon.

The whole time the surgeons were stitching him up he was telling them about his Legos and his trains.  I guess a little morphine makes him chatty.  He is a tough kid.

Nicole had to be held down while the surgeon removed glass from her skin.  She’s a tough little kid too, but it’s so hard for a child so small to understand.  She got a lot of solid “mom time” after it was done, though.

I was worried about Charlotte.  She just quietly absorbs things, and I wanted to be able to reassure her and comfort her.  Kathleen said she cried a little bit when she realized we wouldn’t ever be able to ride in the red van again.  She would think for a long time and then say something like “Cars are faster than walking.”  I will spend time talking to her about things so she gets the same benefit of talking through things that Isaac did.

After they’d finished stitching Isaac up, I took some time to clean him.  I told him about how I got to help bathe him when he was just a baby.  I told him how he made that grumpy little face and how I could hold him in one hand.  It was a good moment for a dad and his boy.

I have tried to ask myself what I’m to learn about my Father in Heaven from an experience like this.  There have been a few answers.  The most important, I think, is that I got a clear answer to a prayer I said this morning, even though that thoughtless prayer was said as a hasty afterthought. 

I have thought a lot initially about paying attention, and not just to the road.  I have a good history with many long years of driving without any incident (I need to get that on the record).  I am definitely fallible, though, and I will think about this more.  I don’t think that God allowed this to happen just to make me pay attention, but I think it’s part of a layer of lessons I can learn.

I wondered what it means for my children to have this experience, especially as small as they are.  I hope Isaac learns that even when we hurt, our trials can teach us things about our Heavenly Father.  I hope he learns that there is a very protective Grace over our family, so even when we make serious mistakes, we are helped and blessed. 

I hope Nicole gets a sense that pain passes and her family loves her in good times and hard times.  I know she has concern for her brother; she was worried and asking about him tonight.

I hope Charlotte learns that while things in this world are easily broken, our family is forever.  She told Isaac how worried she was about him in her little 4-year-old voice as soon as we came home tonight.

Tonight I’m filled with gratitude that my little family is safe and happy.  I’m grateful that a serious mistake I made did not do more harm.  I love the Lord and I love my wife and children.