Virtute.org

This is a longish narrative about one of my experiences being a parent.  It’s not a particularly exciting story, so I’m not really sure why I’m posting it, other than the fact that I haven’t written much about my bigger kids lately.  I think all parents stumble along sometimes and really struggle with what to do and how to be good parents.  I know I certainly do.  So here’s a story that reads like a journal entry (because that’s probably what it should be instead of being a blog post).

I got into a fight with Charlotte on Friday morning.  It started about 10 minutes before we needed to head out the door to catch the bus.  I asked her to go upstairs and get her socks on because it was almost time to go.  She started purposefully walking very slowly and eventually disappeared upstairs.  I got coats and shoes on everyone else and yelled up the stairs a few times that she needed to hurry or she’d miss the bus.  She sauntered down just as we were about to go out the door and sat on the bottom step (at least she was wearing socks).  I yelled at her to get her shoes, coat, and backpack because we had to go right now.  She just looked at me and sat there.  So I shepherded everyone out the door and told her she’d have to get ready and then run to catch up with us. 

I thought she’d be in a panic when we left without her.  As I walked down the street with the other 4 kids, I kept hoping to see her scamper out the door, it didn’t happen.  

Isaac got on the bus and we headed home.  I spent the whole walk home trying to figure out what I should do next.  I thought, how could I make the drive to school so miserable that she remembers that she wants to take the bus.  What kind of punishment should she get so that next time she runs to put her socks on.  I certainly didn’t want to make a habit of loading up all the kids in the suburban and driving her to school.  

When we walked back in the door, she looked happy (maybe relieved) to see us.  I had wanted to find her crying and upset and worried about how she’d get to school.

I said “you missed the bus, Charlotte” with no emotion in my voice.  Then as I helped the girls take off their coats and shoes,  I commented on how I thought they’d probably do something really fun in kindergarten today.  She still didn’t react.

I took Thomas with me upstairs where Zach was just finishing getting dressed (usually he’s long gone by now, but this morning he slept in).  I told him what happened and he offered to take her to school. 

I went back downstairs and Charlotte brought me her Junie B. Jones book and asked me if she could go to the website listed on the back page.  I knew that she couldn’t wait to go to that webpage.  I have to admit that I was a little excited that I finally had a way to make her regret not getting on that bus.  I told her no, that since she missed the bus we wouldn’t be able to go to the website for the whole day.  She did react now, she was mad.  I told her that she’d also have to miss movie night tonight.

Zach had to count down from 5 to get her to finally put on her shoes and coat.  (She knows that if we get to zero, she gets a punishment–usually a spank and she always scrambles when we get close to zero). 

Finally, she was off to school, but I was still all worked up in my head about how poorly our morning had gone.  How could I have handled that better?  Why did it turn into a fight?  What can I do to maintain a positive relationship with this girl so that when she’s older (like a teenager) she’ll want to talk to me about stuff?

The reason for her behavior that morning finally hit me as I talked to Zach about the details of our morning.  The night before this incident, Charlotte found a website in the back of her Junie B. Jones book.  I told her that she could look it up tomorrow.  When I went back into her room to check on the girls, she was just about to fall asleep and she told me that she knew she’d have good dreams because she was going to dream about that website.  The next morning, the first thing she said to me (and to her dad) was about the Junie B. Jones website. 

She must have forgotten about it after she finished eating breakfast because she started to play with some toys with Isaac.  I forgot about it too because I was so busy making sure everyone was fed and dressed and had their hair fixed.  I think she remembered it when I told her to get her socks on.  At that point, instead of telling me that she was upset because she had wanted to go to the website before school, she just got mad and then mader.

I felt bad about how angry I was with her that morning.  I also felt bad about the lack of quality time I’ve had to spend with her lately.  I decided that I’d stop at the library before she got home from school and get some Junie B. Jones books.  

I made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches just before Charlotte and Isaac got home from school and let them eat them outside (picnic style).  I told Charlotte about the books that I had gotten her and she ran in and got one for me to read.  I read several chapters to her outside as she played around the yard and we had a good time together.  

I gave her an opportunity to earn back the privilege of going to the Junie B. Jones website.  She spent much of the rest of the afternoon playing games on the website.

At bedtime, Zach took the other kids up to movie night and I read Charlotte a “Captain Underpants” book.  We talked about what had happened that morning.  I told her that I hadn’t known why she was mad, but that I had figured it out after she left.  She told me about how much she had wanted to go to that website.  We talked about how we could have communicated better and had a much better morning.  In the end, I told her she could go join her siblings for movie night.