Happy Birthday Grandpa Cochran, From Charlotte

10.9.08 Isaac, Charlotte, and Grandpa Cochran (1)

Charlotte:  I want to tell him something that I never telled him before.  I want to tell him grandpas have pianos.  That’s what I never said.

Me:  What do you think grandpa should do on his birthday?

Charlotte:  I think he should play his piano.

Me:  What else should he do?

Charlotte:  I think he should turn on his lamp next to his piano.

Me:  can you think of anything not in the picture?

Charlotte:  He should buy some balloons.  I want him to open some presents.

Me:  What do you think his presents should be?

Charlotte:  cars, and tracks for them and some things I seen before that he doesn’t have.

cover insidebackpage

Raccoon Seals!

Isaac ran in suddenly from riding his bike and announced that “it looks like black bear  weather!”  He asked if he still needed to put his bike away since black bears might5.2.10 Sunday Morning (6) come.  When I told him he should, he wanted Charlotte to come with him to protect him.  After coming in, he remembered that he had left the garage open and asked if he should close it real quick so black bears don’t come in, then he asked Charlotte to come with him to keep him safe again. 

The next thing I know, he’s talking about “raccoon seals.”  Here are a few quotes I pulled out of a long avalanche of words that he said in relation to “raccoon seals”:

"a raccoon seal is a tiger that can go anywhere"
"raccoon seals can’t eat through windows but they can open doors that are not locked"
"these tigers are used to eating people up"
"it’s the weather for them right now"
"they’re all crowding up to the houses to try to get in"
"but they don’t want people to see that they’re there"
"do you know that they even have crazy striped wings that are colored orange and white"

*The picture has nothing to do with the story except that it is a recent picture of Isaac and I couldn’t exactly cut Ila out of the picture, so there she is.

Names and why they be what they be

We had an assignment on the Cochran family blog to write about what inspired the choices we made in naming our children so I thought I’d share what I wrote here as well.  What I thought would be a short post, turned into a rather long one.

Our first boy was going to be David Hyrum Cochran.  I still like that name, but after I got pregnant, Zach had changed his mind about the name and we had to start all over with ideas.  We used to discuss names in the car and I specifically remember that we were driving down I-15 when one of us came up with the idea to name our son Isaac.  IMG_9301I think it was my idea, but I think that Zach thinks it was his idea.  We thought the meaning was perfect since it seemed like we were finally getting the promised blessing of having a child after a long wait, just like Abraham and Sarah in the Bible.  The name means “he laughs” in reference to the joy that Abraham and Sarah felt when they found out they were pregnant.  Later when I read the scripture again, it seems like they were laughing because of how old Sarah was when she was pregnant, but for me it will always be about the joy.  We thought we’d call him Ike, but we never have.

In all of our names we discussed, there were several people we wanted to honor in our son’s name.  We considered using a grandfather’s name.  We also considered adding a name to honor President Hinckley, but at first we ruled out both Gordon and Hinckley.  Obviously we changed our minds and gave him the middle name Hinckley.  President Hinckley was the prophet during most of the important things that happened in our lives at that point and we felt impressed and inspired by him.

Charlotte’s name came from Zach.  I was initially opposed to the name because of a strong 4.26.10 playing outside (1) connection I had with that name and the story of Charlotte’s web.  We continued to discuss the name and the association softened enough that I started to really like the  name.  I liked that it was unique and still recognizable.

I think I came up with the middle name.  I remember thinking about family names and wanting to honor Charlotte’s grandmother by giving her the same middle name.  At that point I didn’t realize that Rose was also Charlotte’s great-grandmother’s first name.

Nicole’s name also came from Zach.  Zach left work early to go to her ultrasound and he said 5.8.10 Nicole Kate (1) that as he got into the car he thought to himself, “it’s going to be a girl and we’re going to name her Nicole.”  I was initially opposed to the name because I thought it was too common.  I loved how unique and familiar Charlotte’s name was and wanted something along the same lines as that, but eventually (while I was in labor and couldn’t think of a name I liked better that he’d accept) Zach convinced me that Nicole was not a common name for her generation.  I wasn’t initially thrilled with the choice, but the day Zach blessed her I changed my mind.  I remember him saying in the blessing how her name was in remembrance of Christ’s victory over death (Nicole is a french form of Victoria which means victory) and that brought tears to my eyes.

We chose her middle name Kate because it sounded good with Nicole and we wanted  something more interesting than the common middle names like Marie and Lynn (no offence to Heidi or anyone who named her).

I assume everyone knows by now who we named our Ila after.  I always liked her name, maybe it was partly because I loved my grandmother so much.  I felt close to her and yearned4.26.10 Ila (7) for more time with her throughout my life.  I actually tried to get Zach to agree to putting the name Ila in Nicole’s name, but we couldn’t come up with a first name that worked with Ila as a middle name and we weren’t fully convinced that we should use it as a first name.  We really struggled with finding a name for Ila.  Zach liked the name Mellissa, but I couldn’t be excited about that name.  We toyed around with several names and didn’t have a strong idea about what we  wanted to name her.  Jane was a name that I liked and was possibly at the top of my list for first names. 

Out here you have to set up an appointment with the hospital and register before going into labor.  The first step is to set up all of the billing information.  As I was giving my information to the lady she asked me about names and if we’d chosen a name yet.  I told her that we hadn’t and she continued to ask what names we had been thinking about.  I told her the list of names that we had discussed and somewhere in that discussion, I said that I had wanted to use the name Ila, but I couldn’t figure out a name to go with it.  Jane was also one of the names in that group and the lady suggested the name Ila Jane to me.  I instantly loved it and even told her so.  I wondered if Zach would agree to it, I was almost too  afraid to ask because I was so excited about the name.  I honestly could not wait to tell him the idea, but was very nervous that he’d reject it at the same time.  That night I presented the name to him.  I told him that me and the lady at registration had decided on a name for our baby and that I wanted him to think about the name while I showered and then I’d come back and he could tell me what he thought.  When I came back into our “wood room” after our shower, he instantly agreed to the name without further discussion.  I was so excited, but also afraid that he’d change his mind at the same time.  4.26.10 Ila (11)We agreed not to tell anyone about it before she was born.

Someone asked me what we were naming her just after she was born and as I said the name Ila, I instantly felt like maybe it wasn’t the right name, but after telling a few more people it started to sound right again and by the time I left the hospital I was feeling good about the name.  When my mom came she told me that we were at the hospital that they had taken my grandmother to after her stroke and that my grandmother’s room was even on the same floor.

As time has gone by, Ila’s name has increased in significance to me and I find myself more and more pleased with our choice.  I know that my kids will all know about my grandma and that as she grows,  Ila will want to know about the woman that she was named after.  The name is unique enough that she’ll probably be asked where it came from throughout her life.  I love that by using her name, my grandma will be remembered for generations more in a very personal way by Ila and by Ila’s children and maybe even by Ila’s grandchildren!

An unexpected consequence of naming her after my beloved grandmother is that I become emotional about hearing her name said in frustration and I have this increased desire for everyone to love her.   There is a connection to her name in that desire that I can’t entirely explain because I know she’s a different person, but it almost feels like when people love Ila, they also love my grandmother.

Why we don’t get it

It’s about time.  We only see time going forward.  Ask any physicist to tell you why time goes the direction it does.  They don’t know; how can they know?  Just one example of how only appealing to the observable is fruitless in the measure of our lives.

One thing we understand about God is that He is outside time.  He sees the whole.  Thus Robert Frost is incorrect when he says “nothing gold can stay”.  Though the “gold” in our lives rises and subsides and is gone, the beauty and truth of that gold is eternal.  The blossom is as beautiful as the fruit, which is as beautiful as the seed.  What Frost lacks is perspective; he does not comprehend Time.

My cat had a beautiful life.  From being a sickly little kitten to a cranky adult, right down to his last breaths in my arms, there’s beauty to be enjoyed and cherished.  Even the ache I feel with him passing is so laced with gratitude that it’s something to be cherished.  The fact that I miss this creature so much is evidence of the great gift it was to have him at all.

CS Lewis said that the anticipation and memory of an event are as precious as the event itself.  Quote from Out of the Silent Planet: “A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking, Hmân, as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory another.”

This life is bitterly, harshly, deeply hard sometimes.  The loss of my cat is a small thing compared to the griefs that this life can bring.  But it is an example of how even grief can be turned to joy when it’s seen in the context of truth.  This life is for us to have joy.  God sent me a cat to increase my joy.  How can I be sad when I know this, even though our time together is over?

It makes me think of my grandparents, too.  How much more precious were the times I spent with them now that three of them are gone?  The grief crystallizes and sanctifies the joy.  These memories spark a fierce love for them and a great yearning to see them again.  That I will see them again is clear in the light of faith and hope; we have the assurance.

We have to see the whole.  Within the whole of any life there’s much beauty. Then, when we realize that this life is just a sliver of time, we begin to wonder about eternal lives.  We can have joy today, joy tomorrow, and then Endless joy.

So those are my ramblings late on a Friday when I’m thinking about my cat. Now I’m going to go pet Eustace.

So Long, Jack

We know when we get a kitten that they don’t live very long.  I’ve always told myself that they’ve come here to Earth, and we get a chance to give them lives of comfort, safety and love. 

Little Jack was a “free kittens” ad in the newspaper.  I went to see the kittens, and they had two; one black, and one calico.  I couldn’t decide, so I took them both.  The black male I named Cracker Jack (usually just Jack) and the calico female I named Sweet Anne-Marie (usually just Marie).  The little chickens spent their whole first day hiding in the closet. 

When Marie was killed by a car, Jack was my little furry comforter. 

Jack was definitely my cat; he’d sleep with me in the bed.  He would always come when I called.  He was the strangest little animal; he loved to play with pants you’d leave on the floor, shooting through the pant legs.  He’d always get into boxes of packing peanuts and make a huge mess.  He would perch in high places and swat at your head. 

image

image

Jack had an easy purr; he’d always be glad for me to scratch his ears.  He’d let me play rough with him, rolling him around and tickling his belly.

Tonight after work Jack was just lying on the floor in the sun room.  He’d been losing weight, but today he felt like just skin and bones.  I got out some of his favorite wet cat food, but he wouldn’t take any.

I had to take him to a vet in Sevierville because there were none open closer.  After ruling out FIV, the vet did X-rays and blood work.  The X-ray showed so much fluid in his lungs that it was a wonder he was still breathing.  When the blood work came back, it showed his liver had failed as well.  The only real choice was to let him go.

While we were waiting, I held him and petted him.  He showed no anxiety and just seemed content to be with me.  He purred, in spite of the condition of his lungs.  He purred right up to the end.

We have a short time with our little friends.  I wouldn’t trade any of the sorrow and hurt I feel right now for the great friendship I had with my little furry buddy.  Between the sorrow and the loss I feel gratitude for such a good cat.  I’ll miss him terribly for a while, but I have it on good authority that the Grace of our Savior heals even these hurts.  After the sorrow of this life, even in the middle of it, there is hope “smiling brightly before us”. 

So long, Jack.  You were the best cat a man could have.

Isaac’s Field Day

On Tuesday was Isaac’s Field day.  I was a little nervous about taking my three girls by myself, but since I knew I was likely to see some other mothers whom I had met that might be able to help in a pinch, I decided to give it a shot.  I love that Nicole’s sign is upside-down in this pic and she looks bored.5.11.10 Field Day (4)I knew Isaac wanted us to be there.  He even suggested that we make signs that said “go Isaac with two exclamation points.”  As you can see, we followed his suggestion.  Charlotte was a great sign holder and held up her sign every time Isaac ran or she thought he might run.5.11.10 Field Day (7) Isaac is always very concerned about doing what’s right and not getting into trouble.  He was afraid to even hug his mom without his teacher’s permission, at lest at first he was.  I’m glad that he’s consciences, but I worry that he doesn’t stand up for himself and get what he needs.  Here he is lined up for his first race.5.11.10 Field Day (10) I wasn’t able to get a picture of it, but while most kids were focused on the finish line and running as fast as they could, Isaac was searching the sidelines as he ran and ended up being the slowest kid in every race.  Here he is getting ready for the sack race5.11.10 Field Day (14) The ‘Pony Express’ race was a relay race with 4 other teams competing.  Isaac’s team came in last place, but they had ribbons for all 4 teams so Isaac ran to me after the race with his white ribbon and announced that he his team won!5.11.10 Field Day (22) Apparently an employee of Tennessee State Bank has a kid at Mount Olive, so these guys pulled up and started cooking hotdogs.  They gave everyone who came up the hill to the truck free hotdogs, chips, and water.  The guy who grilled the meat also helped me to my car when he saw me hobbling up the hill with my overloaded stroller in one hand, Nicole in the other, and Charlotte trailing behind me.5.11.10 Field Day (29) The girls didn’t really eat the hotdogs, but they thought the water was great!5.11.10 Field Day (31) It got really hot out and the Kindergarten tarp was right in the sun, so towards the end of the morning, we broke out the umbrella we had brought to provide a little shade.  Charlotte joined the kids under our umbrella.5.11.10 Field Day (37)And finally, here’s a picture of Isaac’s class with their teacher, Mr. Burton.  I didn’t notice the arm in my pic till I got home, oh well.5.11.10 Field Day (26) At the end of the day, I was glad I got to go and observe and cheer Isaac on, but next year I might call a babysitter!

Impossible Moments

Some days seem to be filled with these impossible moments where I just can’t physically do everything that I have to do at that moment or multiple things go wrong at the same time.  In my head I’ll despair a little and sometimes leap to the worst case scenario, before collecting my thoughts and moving forward.

Here are a two examples from today:

I took my thee girls to field day at Isaac’s school.  For the most part, everything went smoothly but there were a few impossible moments.  IMG_9199Like when I was feeding Ila a  bottle, Nicole was playing on the playground, and I saw Charlotte clutching her pants.  I asked Charlotte if she needed to go potty and she said yes.  Knowing that sometimes when I catch her clutching her pants, she can’t even make it to the bathroom from the livingroom at home without an accident , I panicked a little.  I imagined myself with Ila in one arm, Nicole in another, both girls screaming, abandoning my stroller full of things in a mad dash to the bathroom, and having Charlotte wet herself along the way which would mean I somehow had to get everyone around the school, down the hill, and across the street to the car in order to change her in the parking lot while my two other girls screamed.  Luckily a mother of a boy in Isaac’s class who I knew was close by and was able to watch Nicole while I took Charlotte to the bathroom with Ila in my arm (and Ila didn’t get mad about me interrupting her feeding).  My relief didn’t last long because right after returning from the bathroom trip, she told me she had to go again and this time it was #2!  Not wanting to take any chances,  we repeated the entire scenario again!

Another impossible moment happened after we got home.  I had just bathed and dressed Nicole and Charlotte was in the bath.  I put Ila down so that I could help Charlotte wash her hair and as I did so, Ila started crying.  Then Nicole came into the bathroom behind me and as I was putting soap into Charlotte’s hair, Nicole attempted to empty the kiddie potty into the regular potty which resulted in her pouring pee all over herself and the bathroom floor!  At almost the exact same moment the phone rang.

Unfortunately those weren’t the only impossible moments today, yet I still love being a mom and wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world!

Happy Mother’s Day, Grandmas!

Here is a little puppet show that the kids put together to honor their Grandmas on mother’s day.  They were going to do a different puppet show for each Grandma, but too many other siblings with needs cut the second attempt short.  This puppet show was made with both grandmas in mind.

My thoughts on Motherhood and Mother’s Day

I used to hate it when people would wish me a happy mother’s day before I was a mom, but it wasn’t because I was frustrated by our inability to conceive.  Mother’s day was still about celebrating my own mother.  I was never offended or hurt by the holiday and I was annoyed when my ward avoided talking about moms on mother’s day.  Despite the fact that I wanted to be a mother more than anything else, on mother’s day I wanted to celebrate the wonderful mothers in my life.  Families are central to the Lord’s plan and avoiding talking about mothers on mother’s day seems wrong to me.4.2.09 Charlotte and Nicole with chalk (1)

People like to say “every woman is a mother, in her own way.”  Is that really comforting to anyone?  It wasn’t to me and now that I am a mother, I’m still annoyed with that phrase.  Motherhood makes you have to be willing to give up everything else in your life1.22.09 hands (1) and put someone else first.  The title of mom is earned in the countless nights of lost sleep spent comforting and cleaning up after a puking child or calming a screaming baby.  It’s earned on the trip to the grocery store when all the children are hungry and cranky.  It’s earned on those impossible days where you find yourself scrubbing marker off of your appliances and poo out of your carpet.  It’s earned by turning over your entire life to someone who might descend into a fit of crying if his or her toast isn’t cut the right way.   It’s earned when you give up your social life almost completely and every hobby and interest because the care of your children is more important to you.  I earned that title and when you give it away for merely being born female, you diminish the value of it.  

After I became a mother, I looked forward to Mother’s Day with great anticipation.  It’s the one day when the world (or maybe just the US, I don’t know) stops and recognizes the value of mothers. 

I love being a mother.  It’s the most rewarding and wonderful thing in the world.  I embrace every sacrifice willingly because to draws my heart closer to my cherished little ones and I thank my Father in Heaven for blessing me so abundantly with such wonderful, smart, attractive, and loving children.

8.18.07 Isaac, Charlotte, and Mom (1)

The Zoo

This post is a little late, but I had several nights where I hardly got any sleep thanks to a baby who will remain nameless so I got behind on my blogging and thought Nicole’s birthday posts could jump the line a little.  One of those bad nights was the night before the field trip to the Zoo when said unnamed baby didn’t sleep for a half an hour straight the entire night.

Zach took the morning off of work and stayed home with the three younger girls while I took Isaac to school.  I dropped Isaac off and then met him in his classroom.  Each kid 5.3.10 Isaac's Kindergarten Zoo Trip (67)was sent to put on a green shirt then work on worksheets in the classroom.  It was interesting to see Isaac in his class.  He needed to sharpen his pencil, but was very shy and hesitant to ask.  After showing me the problem, I told him that I thought it was ok to go sharpen it.  He still got up hesitantly and kept looking at his teacher as if afraid to be yelled at.  So I addressed his teacher and asked if he could sharpen them.  After an ok, Isaac seemed less nervous.  The other thing that was interesting was to see how excited he was to have me there seeing what his school was like.  He kept looking back at me to see if I was paying attention to things like the morning announcement video.

The kids got on the bus and I rode with some other chaperones to the zoo.  At the zoo, the kids lined up and waited to go in.  They ended up waiting for almost an hour for the teacher to pay for the tickets, they were very bored, but behaved well during their long wait.

5.3.10 Isaac's Kindergarten Zoo Trip (1) I was responsible for Isaac and Faith (she’s the girl next to Isaac in the pic).  Isaac wanted to be with one of his best friends (Storm or Emma) so we combined our group with Emma’s group which had Emma’s mom as the chaperone and Mya as the other girl in the group.  Both of Mya’s parents met us at the zoo so we ended up with a group of 4 kids and 4 parents.  Emma is the one with glasses and Mya is wearing pink boots.5.3.10 Isaac's Kindergarten Zoo Trip (48)

The zoo map was a big hit.  As you might imagine, considering the fact that Isaac loves to study maps a night when he’s trying to fall asleep.5.3.10 Isaac's Kindergarten Zoo Trip (15) One of the first animals we saw were the camels.  Isaac was a little nervous when one of the camels put his head over the fence right next to him.  We soon learned why the camel was so friendly—he was interested in Faith’s apple.5.3.10 Isaac's Kindergarten Zoo Trip (26) They also got to pet a ferret.5.3.10 Isaac's Kindergarten Zoo Trip (21) Since we had lost an hour waiting out front, I started off with a fairly quick pace.  Isaac took up the charge and was eager to move on often after only glancing at an animal.  He did, however, slow down to study the ostriches, despite the fact that the rest of the group was ready to move on.5.3.10 Isaac's Kindergarten Zoo Trip (52) The last thing we did was to gather at a playground in the park.   That seemed like his favorite part.  He was reluctant to leave and kept talking about bringing his sisters back to play at the park.

« Older Entries Recent Entries »